Seven years ago I was living in my own apartment but always had trouble falling asleep. I had slept with a television in my bedroom since I was allowed to have one as a teenager. I never left it on but would watch until I was so sleepy that I couldn’t keep my eyes open.
I married my now husband and he moved into my apartment with me the night of our wedding. We didn’t turn the TV on for the first few weeks but eventually when we got used to having each other together it became a nightly fixture in our room and in our marriage. Big mistake!
At four months of marriage we put a deposit down on a new house and spent the next three months watching it grow from a wooden skeleton to a home. Before the drywall was put on our walls we walked through our house and wrote our favorite scripture on the plaster splattered boards. We wrote about love and how it was our foundation in our home.
We would walk through our soon-to-be home and talk about what would go where, our future kids, future holidays etc., Each day after work we would meet up at our apartment and drive out to our house to see what had been completed that day. Those were some very precious days early in our marriage as we spent hours sitting in our house discussing our future together.
We moved in seven months after our wedding and the TV made its way to our bedroom. I had once read that one of the most damaging things one can ever do in their marriage is have a television in their room.
A year later I began to nag my husband about moving the TV out of our room. He would respond with, “You are the one who watches it.” As much as I hated it, he was right and I would vow to be more disciplined the next night and wait to see if he turned it on. I can’t remember a single time he actually did but it was on every night for years, lighting up our room and filling our minds with the latest drama.
I would turn the TV on but he would be the one to turn it off after I fell asleep to whatever show was on. This became routine and neither of us realized how damaging it was until this year.
The year commonly known as the “itch” year hit us like a ton of bricks. We were blessed with a baby this year and we made sure to space her less than 19 months apart from our first born. We had set up a beautiful recipe for a marital disaster. Disaster it almost was!
During my pregnancy I used the TV as a way to avoid conversation with my husband and after the baby was born, I subconsciously used it to avoid sex.
This was also the year my husband’s sex drive decided to go into hyper-drive which was new to both of us. Sex was the one area I thought we were doing well and I couldn’t have been more wrong. That was a hard journey but I am glad to say we triumphed out of that one quite well with a lot of help and Godly resources.
An increased sex drive in one spouse and a tool for avoidance in another is an explosive mix. While he was showering off silently hoping for intimacy, I was turning on a show in the room that I knew he would get engaged in so I could fall asleep and avoid talking that could lead to sex. It is important to note that I was not aware of this at first.
I remember the night that the Holy Spirit talked to me about it…I turned up the TV. I wrestled with the knowledge that the TV was being used to avoid being married. I knew I was allowing us to become roommates and allowing my husband’s sexual frustration to boil over.
Boil over it did and we almost separated over it. I remember being in the shower crying and praying about how horrible he was when the Holy Spirit whispered back to me about the TV. I decided to think of other things instead but in hesitant obedience I asked again if we could move it out of our room. I was met with the same resistance I mentioned before so I let it go. Truthfully, I was hoping he would say that while at the same time becoming bitter at the fact that he wouldn’t let me get rid of it.
I cannot recall how I finally talked him into getting rid of the TV but it did help that we could sell it at a time where we needed the cash.
The first night that our threesome ended was awkward.
I didn’t know what to say or do with my husband as the TV had been a fixture since the first days of our marriage.
We eventually filled the gaps with intimacy and lots of talking which has enriched our relationship and heightened our bond.
Once the TV was no longer talking at us, we began talking to each other in our bedroom which often led to intimacy. I discovered that wasn’t so bad after all.
What I found amazing was the sense of freedom that eventually came with having the TV out of our room. No longer were we waiting on a show to come on. No longer were we watching our DVR memory to make sure it had room for our favorite show. No more sad disappointments when one of our long awaited shows were recorded over. No more all-day of obsessing over that show that was coming on that night. These thoughts are now consumed with the very thing I was avoiding…intimacy with my husband.
The TV had become a very possessive time-waster. I never realized that an intangible object could have such dire consequences when misused.
I have not regretted one single second of getting that very controlling tool of avoidance out of my bedroom and out of my marriage. The only threesome I am interested in in my marriage is my husband and I with God as our guide in life.
Since this is posting in the PillowTalk portion of the site I will include that our sex life is smoking hot and wrapped in all of the wonderful things God created for it to be between a man and wife. Our whole home is in beautiful harmony and it really is a very happy home.